Seeking Approval

The need for approval. We all have felt it, right? The twinge of wonder when you start a new job or new class, “Will they like me?”  The worry we feel about being judged by how we look and if we will fit in. We care what others think of us.

Now, in an instant we can know what others think about us. We can see it in a post, we get a thumbs up or a thumbs down, we can count how many followers we have. We read the comments others leave about us. We are constantly reminded what others think about us.

But this design was not created to make us self-conscious. It was designed this way because we already were self-conscious, and we cared so much about what others think about us.

But why is that? Where does this incessant need to be liked, this search for approval come from? Is it our self-esteem or self-confidence?

Well, I have a theory. This theory makes so much sense, as to why we look for other’s approval.

As our parents worked to teach us right from wrong, we were constantly looking to them for what we were supposed to be doing.  As children we literally look at our parents for approval. Whether it was what we ate, our interactions with our siblings, everything we did, we would look at our parents to see if it was appropriate.

Then we went to school, and we looked to our teachers for approval. What rules were we to follow, how do we behave in class, what were we supposed to learn. Even once we enter the workforce, others tell what to do. Often, we learn by watching others.

It is no wonder we look to social media to see of we fit in, it has been taught to us since we were young, that the opinion of others matters.

But that does not mean it has to be this way. You can make decisions, choices based on what you want, not on what others want. You can learn to let go of the need to care what others think of you. Although, this is easier said then done. With a lifetime of being taught to seek the approval of others, we may not know what it is we really want

Here are some steps you can take to move away from this need for approval:

• When you find yourself checking in on social media, ask yourself why. Are you looking for approval?
• When posting, check in with yourself, why are you posting, for fun, to share with your family or are you looking for a way to fit in.
• Limit the time spent on social media. Set a time of day that you check in to social media and stick to it.